Friday, May 9, 2014
A list of things I'm bad at. (Part 1)
2. Standing up for myself
4. Taking it.
5. Dishing it out.
6. Football (both American and International forms)
7. Raising a barn
8. Making sense
9. Comprehending life
10. Trusting tap water
13. Warming up to new people
15. Selling books
17. Wine tasting
18. Being punctual
20. Being a man
21. Being an adult
22. Being an aardvark and most other animals as well.
23. Lighting a set
24. Keeping up with the show 24.
26. Persuading others
27. Bringing joy to the world
29. Writing longhand
30. Chewing (I have a horrible reflux and vomit at least three times a week)
33. Erecting sculptures
34. Fixing machinery
35. Fixing people
36. Fixing a bet
37. Magic tricks (except the one)
38. Peeling oranges
39. Predicting the weather
41. Making my bed
43. Remembering most things I've been taught in school.
44. Justifying my actions
45. Saving money
46. Rolling with punches
47. Taking criticism
50. Giving a fuck.
51. Not giving a fuck.
52. Quoting things that aren't movies or TV shows.
53. Staying consistent with punctuation when forming a list
55. Spelling (the proper word for nunchucks in particular)
57. Wounds of other people: healing and/or pouring salt on them.
59. Giving speeches
60. Feeling comfortable around others
61. Treating depression
63. Saving the last slice
65. Following through
66. Separating my distaste for Shia Labouff as an actor from my views of him as a person
67. Keeping my elbows off the table
68. Being a leader or role model
69. Being placed in positions where I could be thought of as a leader or role model.
70. Leaving doors unlocked
71. Counting to one million and probably all numbers above, as well as a majority of the numbers below
72. Math, beyond algebra
73. Being a woman
74. Keeping my shoes from untying themselves. They're out of control.
75. Time management
76. Following doctors orders
77. Keeping up with current events
78. Saving the world
79. Saving even small fractions of the world such as communities or habitats
81. Practicing bushido
82. Having faith in my fellow man
83. Having faith in spiritual deities above my fellow man
84. Trolling (both meanings)
85. Assembling things more complicating than LEGO
87. Keeping secrets
88. Grooming pets
90. Folding laundry properly
91. Saying good-byes
92. Giving direct answers
93. Being decisive
94. Selecting the freshest fruits and vegetables
97. Eating gluten free
98. Being taken seriously
99. Reading, watching, and listening to all the things people recommend to me.
100. Reading, watching, and listening to all the things I'm interested in.
101. Getting others to read, watch, and listen to all the things I'm interested in.
102. Separating my distaste of Kanye West as a person enough to respect him as a musician.
103. Letting younger generations enjoy their shallow, egocentric idols without complaint. Even though the shallow, egocentric idols of my youth did it better.
104. Developing characters
105. Establishing settings
106. Most swimming styles (I dog paddle okay enough. But not great.)
107. Traveling, seeing the world (which I should do if I plan on saving it)
110. Growing a beard
111. Of the instruments I've attempted to learn: playing the harmonica, guitar, bass, violin, French horn, recorder, bongos, and ukulele (these are all the instruments I've attempted to learn)
114. Water skiing
115. Taking jumps on snow skis
117. Throwing shurikens
120. Stepping on bugs that aren't centipedes
121. Getting the right amount of sleep.
122. Exercising and/or working out.
123. Knowing enough about physical fitness or grammar to know whether or not there's a difference between exercising and working out.
125. Remembering names.
127. Getting away with murder (I assume)
128. Donkey punching
129. Feeling good about my birthday and growing older in general
131. Aiming firearms
132. Aiming rubber bands
133. Climbing (with the exception of ladders)
135. Using Photoshop
136. Going on rampages
138. Wearing purple
139. Mental math
142. Saying, "No."
143. Keeping an open mind
145. First person shooters
146. Judging others
147. Piloting (planes, helicopters, and ships)
148. Using a stick shift
149. Knowing which outfit looks better
150. Making things look easy
151. Finding the best deals
152. Being stubborn
153. Knowing when I have a good thing going.
154. Knowing when to leave a bad situation.
156. Keeping a steady beat
157. Regularly checking the mail
158. Flossing (so the dentist tells me)
162. Getting things off the top shelf
164. Using fireworks safely
165. Shuffling cards
166. Calling people out on their shit
167. Getting wasted
168. Making snowmen
170. Changing the air filter in my car
171. Washing my hands before meals
172. Keeping in touch with distant friends/relatives
173. Accepting the Star Wars Prequel trilogy as canonical to the Star Wars universe.
177. Saying what's on my mind.
180. Naming boats/ships/other aquatic vessels
181. Dropping a beat
182. Remembering birthdays (Thanks, Facebook)
183. Taking my vitamins
184. Getting stains out of carpet/clothing
185. Quitting while I'm ahead
186. Playing along with Jeopardy
187. New York Times crossword puzzles (beyond the Monday puzzle and it's just not worth subscribing to the app for that. Why can't you make Mondays free? Come on, guys.)
188. Telling that Aristocrats joke.
190. Immediately changing light bulbs as needed
192. Reading the fine print
193. Reading entire user agreements (Anything beyond the words "I agree" proves as too much)
194. Making clever picket signs
195. Remembering any of the three foreign languages I studied in school (French, Spanish, and Japanese)
196. Waiting for my computer to finish loading before clicking again.
197. Hocking loogies
198. Reading maps
199. Asking for help
200. Playing rough
201. Calibrating lab equipment
202. Making eye contact
203. Writing a concise list of things I'm bad at, evidently
204. Remembering that I do indeed have plenty of food at home
205. Refraining from using shock value as a gimmick in my fiction
206. Packing luggage efficiently
207. Understanding why I'm so insistent on having straws in restaurants when I never think to use them at home.
208. Slam dunks
209. Raising the roof
210. Doing impressions
211. Fighting games
212. Sponsoring a child for pennies a day, or other currency values at alternative time intervals.
213. Bringing it.
214. Keeping honey from dripping down the sides of the bottle
215. Knowing how long to hold my hands under an air dryer
216. Role play (this can include job training, D&D, and probably bedroom type stuff. I always giggle)
217. Going a day without low brow humor
218. Putting in contact lenses
219. Not worrying
220. Taking angry/genuinely hopeful Detroit Lions fans seriously.
221. Winning the lottery
222. Waking up without having to hit snooze five times
223. Knowing whether or not the ullage is high
224. Putting the clip on a chip bag instead of just rolling it
226. Spreading some butters (although I sometimes blame the consistency of the butters themselves)
227. Making a fully informed vote
228. Taking notes
229. Turning down a tip
230. Giving a cold shoulder
231. Tolerating a cold shower
234. Emptying the dishwasher
235. Making floral arrangements
236. Catching sucker fish without their fins getting caught in the net
238. Reading classic literature
239. Writing eventual classic literature (unless the people of the future really, really enjoy dick and fart humor)
240. Getting myself to donate blood ("Look. I hate needles, man. Can't you just punch my nose and plug my nostril with the tube?")
241. Finishing my proposal to Detroit that turns abandoned areas of the city into paintball arenas that also sell novelty t-shirts that say, "I got shot in Detroit!"
242. Staying classy
243. Slicing bread (I crush it)
244. Keeping my desk clean.
245. Summoning forth any supernatural forces
246. Knowing if I'm saying "ouija" properly.
247. Washing my car
248. Stopping myself from reading Orson Scott Card despite my distaste of him as a person.
249. Giving up hope on the production to a sequel for Advent Rising.
250. Using slang
251. Using toaster ovens
252. Teaching ICP how magnets/ignorance works
253. Keeping up with Stuff You Should Know podcasts
254. Knowing why bird is the word
255. Keeping that bird bird bird. Bird is the word song out of your head
256. Keeping promises to my five year old self. Promises such as, "I will be Robocop, Batman, or a god damn Ninja Turtle when I grow up. So help me."
257. Touching my nose with my tongue
258. Regarding Che Guevara for his work as a revolutionary and a role model whenever I see his face on mass produced t-shirts.
259. Transporting large televisions
260. Maintaining an aquarium
261. Refraining from snoring
262. Walking (I tend to trip over curbs, sticks, my own feet. Particularly when given sultry looks.)
263. Being intimidating
264. Cutting hair
265. Shaving my neck
266. Public displays of affection
267. Deciding whether or not I enjoy AC/DC (the band, not the energy current)
268. Probably my taxes
269. Making my ball curve when bowling
270. Writing short hand
271. Giving skerfers
272. Manscaping (although, are you truly a man if the things you do don't cause a little bleeding?)
273. Writing scholarship letters
274. Plate spinning
276. Disc golf
278. Keeping my glasses clean
279. Washing my car regularly or at all.
280. Knowing whether or not I can pet an animal or if it's dangerous. Eg: bobcats.
281. Knowing whether to use ie, eg, or ex.
282. Accepting any sort of mild cold, flu, ache, or cough as, "Not cancer."
283. Deciding on what pizza to order with new people (Is that just me? Does everybody go through the "I'm fine with just pepperoni" dance?)
284. Understanding why people revere Doctor Who. Are they watching the same show? Like, seriously, where's this awesome version you're all hiding from me?
285. Accepting that not all the movies today require a post-credit scene. Even though I did just sit through ten minutes of credits.
286. Showing restraint when it comes to ice cream, chocolate chip cookies, pizza, doughnut holes, ect.
287. Selling Domino's execs on pretzel crusted pizza. Seriously, not even a reply...
288. Using sex appeal to get the things I want. "You say the blu-ray is $17.99. But what if I undo a button? Hey- Stop calling your manager over! Unless it's for a price change override in which case I'll undo another button."
289. Refraining from giggling when hearing words such as hard, fist, erect, poop, ect.
291. Understanding why I have fond memories of Crystal Clear Pepsi when I don't even enjoy regular Pepsi.
292. Living in the now
293. Saving my virginity long enough to be sold on eBay (about eighteen years late there).
294. Packing a parachute
295. Using credit cards responsibly, although I feel the credit card company greatly appreciates this from me
296. Roller skating
297. Reacting appropriately to getting fired. "Oh, thank god. I was going to quit after the holidays anyway."
298. Quitting my job at GameStop. I haven't showed up for nearly a decade, but I was never fired, quit, or had an exit interview. For all I know they're still scheduling me and/or holding my last paycheck.
299. Graduating college in a timely fashion
300. Feeling inspired enough to follow through with sit ups after watching the movie 300. I can't see the flick without thinking I should work out and/or exercise more. But that's as far as a goes. Thinking about it.
301. Knowing which plants I can eat and which are poison
302. Fighting for my right to party. Seeing why others would do the same. "You can have a party. Just have one. You're rock stars. It's kind of expected. No battle necessary."
303. Untangling Christmas lights.
304. Transplants (plants in new containers. Fish in new tanks. Also, probably live organs)
305. Accepting when a pen is out of ink without trying to use it for another minute
306. Bisexuality (I wouldn't say bi-curious as much as bi-out-of-practice)
307. Finding shoes in my size
308. Bowing with appropriate depth (I either give a shit bow or overshoot it)
309. Trusting grammar check
310. Trust falls
311. Trusting other people
312. Taking in cans and bottles before I have a massive excess to get rid of
313. Accepting that other people's area/zip codes aren't strange or unusual
314. Not wanting to smack people who use the non-word friendzone. "It's a stupid word and you're a pussy, whining essentially around the issue that you're a pussy. Just ask her out, get rejected, and go cut down a fucking tree to restore both shreds of your manhood. Losing something you never had and moving on is a fuck of a lot healthier than pining over something you'll never get while ignoring the millions of other opportunities out there. Believe me. I'm a fucking neurotic pussy and understands your plight, but even I want to backhand you and your stupid Facebook status. It's for your own whiny good."
315. Studying math. Specifically the practice problems. I learn better with flashcards, which is a horrible way to learn math.
316. Understanding why John 3:16 is so popular at sporting events or other things that aren't church services. Also why nobody at church ever holds up a sign that says Josh 3:16 or their other favorites. I'm sure the priest will take requests if you try...
317. Accepting that using this many surge protectors and power strips on one outlet is unsafe.
318. Immortality (I assume. At least, not aging hasn't been working out.)
319. Not aging
320. Enjoying the later seasons of Dexter while knowing what the ending is and that it's stupid
322. Fully appreciating the difference between jelly and preserves
323. Finishing an entire loaf of bread before it goes bad
324. Dribbling, shooting
325. Telling the whole truth when I know it'll hurt somebody (I still do. I just suck at it)
337. Accepting eels as natural creatures, not born of concentrated evil and then rolled out like noodles
338. Convincing friends that some of Jimmy Buffett's music isn't half bad. (Ex: Tin Cup Chalice)
339. Enjoying a lot of Tool's music despite their exemplary talent
340. Convincing critics of the world that Citizen Kane, while deserving of many accolades, is no Blade Runner or The Hudsucker Proxy. "If your friends wrote a favorable review of jumping off a bridge, would you do it to?"
341. Knowing when jazz is smooth or just being itself.
342. Making contact with alien species (Several times I looked up in the sky and waved, but to my knowledge received no response)
343. Speed reading
344. Vacuuming corners
346. Denying myself thin mint girl scout cookies
347. Blowing glass
348. Reading minds
349. Reading lips
350. Interpreting body language
351. Folding, rolling, or doing whatever it is I'm supposed to to get an inflatable bed back into its carrying case.
352. Looking cool
353. Changing a tire (probably sets of tires as well)
354. Explaining anything related to astronomy beyond the loose generalities exhibited on episodes of The Universe and Nova
355. Calling at a good time
356. Applying make-up
357. Applying for jobs
358. Flight (with or without a vehicle)
359. Leaving succinct voicemails that don't endlessly blather on
360. Drawing perfect circles
362. Preventing Balrogs from passing
363. Accepting that Firefly just isn't coming back. (Browncoats unite!)
364. Convincing everybody to watch Almost Human so it will definitely come back seas- oh, it's cancelled.
365. Grave robbing
366. Filling out customer surveys when I've had an acceptable experience that was neither great nor terrible.
367. Matching my socks
368. Reading aloud
369. Concluding on whether or not my junk is getting smaller or that it only looks smaller because I'm gaining weight.
370. Pearl diving
371. Willingly making physical contact with bugs and/or snakes
372. Using mala beads for more than adornments
373. Making a point to skinny dip more often (although I don't really have anywhere to go that I could. I suppose I could just take more baths instead of showers but it's just not the same.)
374. Understanding emotes more complicated than this: :)
375. Knowing the Dewey-decimal system except that 500s are science
376. Taking charge
377. Digesting milk
380. Remembering whether or not I previously included whittling on this list.
381. Designating other people as driver
383. Keeping everything in order.
382. Wearing belt buckles
384. Using a water pick
386. Eating the worm
387. Also, probably blowjobs
388. Convincing my cats that running through the tunnel toy it got them is highly entertaining and worth their time.
389. Expressing my feelings
390. Discussing the important things that are bothering me.
391. Not discussing the stupid things that are bothering me. (Seriously, Michael Bay. We all love William Fitchner but Shredder? And the turtles redesign is a cross between Gears of War and complete bullshit.)
392. Enjoying any James Bond movie prior to Daniel Craig.
393. Keeping window blinds in working order, evidently. I still can't figure out how they ever break in the first place. Something cat related, I'm sure
394. Finding people to play board games with, and consequently, buying board games despite how fun they look.
395. Finding the fish in that Monty Python movie.
398. Measuring prior to cutting
399. Growing back hair (Thank god!)
400. Knowing where to eat
401. Convincing my employer to let me come and go as I please and not by a schedule. (I have bills. The job will get done. Do you think it'll get less done if I show up and leave at differing times of the day?)
402. Scouting ahead
403. Belly flops
406. Starting fires by rubbing sticks together
407. Convincing my cats that they enjoy being held
408. Convincing my dog that he's too large for my lap
409. Sinking battleships (in board games or otherwise)
412. Only buying healthy foods at the grocery store
413. Remembering important historical dates, names, events. Pretty much anything history related.
414. Evasive maneuvers
415. Hanging multiple pieces of framed art level to each other
416. Staying within the lines (both coloring and driving)
417. Reading facial expressions
418. Defining, quantifying love
419. Knowing if disco died because people grew tired of the music or because "Disco's dead" is a catchy thing to say.
420. Caring whether or not marijuana gets legalized
421. Resting on the seventh day of the week.
422. Giving up things for lent
423. Getting to the last level in Super Mario Bros without the aid of warp pipes.
424. Shaving with a straight razor
426. Being a mentor
427. Being a waiter
428. Walking in heels
430. Chopping vegetables
431. Riding in a cab without assuming I'm about to be kidnapped
432. Swallowing large pills without choking/puking
433. Being in orgies
434. Quickly convincing the cat to stop hacking on the carpet whenever she starts hacking on the carpet
435. Knowing the difference between sneakers and running shoes
436. Running a successful publishing company
438. Pretty much anything that would include the word clandestine.
439. Being water (only 60% of the way there. Sorry, Bruce Lee)
440. Growing facial hair
441. Flopping around like a fish
442. Being sneaky
443. Folding a sheet of paper more than eight times.
444. Making deus ex machinas appear natural in a narrative
445. Setting up Rube Goldberg devices
446. Keeping my desk clutter free
447. Using ottomans for only their intended purpose
448. Convincing myself that my red converse do not in fact look awesome with my black suit.
450. Using the force (I certainly tried throughout my childhood and briefly in my early twenties)
451. Scheduling book signings. (To be fair, most of my fiction is only on the Kindle)
452. Looking good in a scarf
453. Enunciating clearly enough for Siri to understand
454. Accepting Siri's limits
455. Giving voice commands to my phone without addressing Siri as though it's some actual entity.
461. Identifying new species (and most old ones)
462. Crying on command
463. Tracking prey
464. Aiming a Frisbee
465. Knowing the names of various gun stances
466. Calling the shots
467. Making ice sculptures
468. Feeling confident in a kilt (or at all)
469. Dying my hair
470. Carving elaborate designs in pumpkins
471. Not laughing at the horrible writing on CSI and most other cop dramas
472. Packing cigarettes
473. Rolling a cigarette
474. Dog sitting
475. Putting the right amount of air in tires
476. Writing smut
477. Using chainsaws for appropriate purposes (not the best way to slice bread and/or spread butter)
480. Climbing trees
481. Getting game consoles to work by blowing at them (Although I do appreciate that the Vita has a cartridge slot instead of a disc drive so when it starts to break down, I can start attempting that again)
482. Distinguishing between tonfas and nightsticks
483. Continuing to keep on rocking in the free world.
484. Tweeting regularly
485. Coming up with six word stories that are actually stories and not just an event or random sentence.
487. Coming up with good costumes for Halloween/Cosplay
488. Deciding whether people are debunking Joseph Atwill's Caesar's Messiah because it's a weak argument or because they're expressing extreme bias.
489. Getting a high score in skee ball
490. Online dating (Never, ever, ever again since that fateful summer of 2005)
491. Gauging just how dumb I am in comparison to everybody else.
492. Using fireworks safely (So I guess... about that dumb. That I would do that)
493. Asking questions even though I'm engaged in what people are saying
494. Not talking about myself (which is weird because I hate myself)
495. Taking one for the team
496. Being asked to be a part of a team
497. Reading Tender Buttons
498. Not locking up whenever I'm around a group of people
499. Walking in front (I don't know why. It just makes me uncomfortable and anxious)
500. Leaping across rooftops
501. Darts (both throwing and understanding the rules)
503. Operating GC/MS or other sophisticated laboratory equipment
504. Being presidential
505. Convincing other people to compromise
506. Convincing people that Roadside Attraction, Book 1: Siren Night is the next great American novel
507. Performing tricks on a wakeboard
508. Deciding where to go/what to eat
509. Laser tag
510. Finding a cure/effective treatment for chronic non-bacterial prostatitis
511. Not judging books by their covers (which is funny because the covers on my books are pretty much all awful)
512. Picketing ("I'd love to go but seriously, 7 AM? On my day off? Forget it man. We lost.")
513. Pretty much anything an Olympian can do that I've forgotten to include on this list
514. Remembering all the things I'm bad at.
515. Trimming hedges
516. Converting from the metric system. Probably also to but the need has never come up.
517. Calculating to Kelvin from Fahrenheit
518. Erasing without leaving marks
519. Using a dry erase board without double and triple checking that the marker I'm using isn't permanent ink.
520. Knowing if anything about my life qualifies as livin la vida loca, whether or not that's a good thing, and where I would go to get tested for it.
521. Driving cattle
522. Riding a horse without being bit (Of the one time I rode a horse, this happened 100% of the time)
523. Deciding how I feel about snakes. They're not ALL bad... but just what's their game?
524. Winning at Cards Against Humanity
525. Understanding why people purchase magazines when we have the Internet. Books I get. Monthly or weekly publications when all the information is online already, I don't.
526. Not feeling a tiny, tiny bit bummed out when UPS or FedEx parks near my house but doesn't have anything for me.
527. Thwarting museum security
528. Blending in
529. Standing out
530. Shaking hands, particularly when the other person decides on a fist bump or some other special shake that I've never heard of.
531. Lately, feeling happy. Feeling a lot of things actually.
532. Giving up hope
533. Plate spinning
534. Speaking in fake accents
535. Measuring before cutting
537. Only crossing the street at designated crosswalks. On the flip side, I'm a highly successful serial jay walker and my reign of mild inconvenience for drivers has only just begun! MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
538. Bowling right handed
539. Throwing left handed (I know. Figure that one out.)
540. Trusting any news source
541. Holding my liquor
542. Accepting that I've reached an age where trimming ear hair is something I have to do.
543. Understanding why some people put all their emphasis on the next life and the next world when they have this world and this life right in front of them and they don't even understand that fully.
545. Using jumper cables
546. Lighting a fire under somebody's ass
547. Laughing through the pain (but I always try anyway)
548. Spontaneously combusting (I hope! So far, so good)
549. Paying attention to professional league sports/players
550. Knowing what noises foxes make. Also, knowing why there's a song about it.
551. Curling my tongue as well as some people.
552. Threading a needle
554. From what I recall as a child, ring around the Rosie
555. Urinating in public
556. Hyping a crowd
557. Reading minds
558. Enjoying the taste of anything sour
559. Determining the ideal setting on my humidifier
562. Understanding why bathrooms are so popular for selfies.
563. Being attractive
566. Figuring out what's wrong with a computer. I can run spell check. That's it. For some reason a lot of people think I'm more handy than this.
567. Consistently hitting the nail with the hammer
568. Twister. I am too short. And too fat. But I think it would be cool and kind of arousing to watch a bunch of yoga instructors play. In fact, I think everybody would agree that they could turn the summer Olympics into two weeks of that and we'd all happily watch.
570. Embalming. I wouldn't even know the first step. Although my assumption is that it involves the butt and a tube. Somehow.
571. Lactating. Thank god.
572. Stopping myself from automatically speaking louder when addressing a senior citizen, regardless of their hearing
574. Eating spicy foods
575. Eating bad food
578. Snorkeling (Unless you're supposed to drink and/or choke on the water)
579. Buying new clothes
580. Clipping my nails
581. Reading on a regular basis
582. Having sass
583. Paying attention
584. Knowing what evil lurks in the hearts of men
586. Performing miracles (Unless you count that time I put an ice cube in with some wine, melting it, and effectively turning water into wine)
587. Street performances
589. Understanding all the functions on a graphing calculator
590. Also, plotting functions on a graphing calculator
591. Organizing field trips
592. Forming committees
595. Squashing my problems with other people before they fester and eat away at me.
596. Properly wearing a gi
598. Licking some envelopes (and I honestly don't know if it's me or the adhesive)
599. Giving massages. Also receiving them if that counts. I know it just involves lying there and letting it happen but I'm really uncomfortable with physical contact so the process of a massage in of itself has the opposite of its intended effect on me.
601. Using a loom
602. Air brushing
603. Scrap booking
605. Scavenger hunts ("Eh. It's out there, man.")
606. Opening beer bottles with surfaces/gadgets other than bottle openers
607. Feng shui
608. Keeping a robe tied
610. Forming complex knots (which explains 74 and 608)
611. Winning. (Meaning I very seldom do. As a kid I was a 'participant trophy' kinda person)
613. Five Finger Fillet
614. Counting down without wanting to speed up and then slow down a bunch for the final "3... 2... 1..."
615. Looking slender while wearing stripes
616. Knowing if I'm highlighting too little. Or too much.
618. Tug of War (The temptation to let go is always too strong)
619. Finishing meals that have been super-sized
620. Peeling out
621. Replacing wiper blades
622. Changing oil
623. Eating celery without feeling mortified
624. Clearly distinguishing hyperbole
626. Ignoring cravings
626. Moving people to tears
627. Trusting online translation software to put my fiction in other languages
628. Controlling heartburn
629. Naming all fifty states in one sitting
630. Naming all the other countries in any amount of sittings (or pointing to them on a map)
631. Drawing pentagrams
632. Volunteering in my free time
633. Being a louse (either meaning)
634. Lighting a gas grill/oven/stove without assuming I'm about to killed in an explosion
635. Effectively swinging a sword
636. Determining if a sword is decorative or functional
637. Distinguishing between modernist and post-modernist
638. Shanghaiing others
639. Using lacrosse equipment for actual play or even a casual game of catch
640. Ice skating and using hockey equipment at the same time (Although I'm so-so at either separately)
642. Reffing/Umping. Also knowing the difference between the two. (padding?)
643. Using commas for only their intended purpose
644. Platter arrangements
645. Brewing beer (tea, I do just fine)
646. Parallel parking
647. Parking in garages
648. Walking in ski boots
649. Guitar Hero and other similar games
650. Blogging on a regular basis
651. Accepting shaky-cam close ups as immersive (They're just annoying)
652. Being cold hearted
653. Avoiding run on sentences while writing rough drafts
654. Leavings scabs alone
655. Understanding most poetry
656. Baiting hooks
657. Awaiting medical test results without assuming the worst
659. Kicking at things above waist level (shin level is preferred)
660. Applying decals (Why the fuck can't you just be stickers?!)
661. Remembering all the lyrics to theme songs of favorite childhood TV shows
662. Not finding Fraggle Rock creepy.
663. Standing up for myself
664. Feeling okay with selecting matte when I've used glossy my whole life
665. Feather bowling
666. Taking the concept of Hell and The Devil as anything but metaphors. Heaven as well.
667. Devoting myself to a single cause or purpose
668. Opening crates
669. Tolerating burlap
670. Enjoying sweet potatoes
671. Eating an entire baked potato without getting sick of it.
673. Getting out of tickets
674. Using parking meters (I pretty much always gamble that I'll be gone before anybody can show up to give me a ticket. At this point I assume the money I've saved is well beyond the cost of a parking violation ticket)
675. Causing mass hysteria
676. Feeling comfortable with customers at any of my retail jobs having access with my first name when I don't know/care to learn theirs. (In other words, I hate wearing name tags)
677. Taking the time to find the perfect dozen
678. Cheer leading
679. Raking ALL the leaves
680. Formal debates
681. Drinking games
683. Liking any of the nicknames I've acquired over the years
684. Being a man of action
685. Writing plausible sci-fi
686. Using camouflage
687. Properly citing sources
688. Knowing whether or not I'm sticking to an MLA format or deviating somehow
689. Looking at complications as opportunities
690. Maintaining childlike exuberance throughout my life
691. Convincing my cats that they in fact do not want to go outside in bad weather or late at night
692. Wiggling my ears